As a Christian in the Alt-Right, I've been facing a few personal moral issues. The first is my wrath. I refuse to be saddened about the issues that have happened, sadness brings me nowhere right now. I've wallowed in depression long enough, but I find myself replacing this sadness with anger. This anger breeds resentment, self-hatred, contempt and pride. I find myself having to realign myself, often with the psalm (36:10): "Be still, and know that I am the Lord." I find myself rebelling against God's authority, questioning its legitimacy and finding myself ill and disgusted, which makes me think I've gone too far in my ideologies.
I am self-critical and I think it's important to be self-critical of what I believe in and the main thing I need to re-assess is my dehumanization of those which do not concord with my ideologies and the general environment I want to be in and I want to raise my child in. I've gone so far right that I cannot tolerate any liberal thought anymore, all of it is prideful and sinful to me. And because of this fundamentalism within me, my moral compass is tightly adjusted to feel disgust at anything morally inferior or wrong.
As a Christian, I believe that all life is sacred. But as an neoreactionary, I would rather the people destructive to our social cohesion be not allowed to reproduce, as to deplete their numbers in the most humane way possible. Eugenics, however, is not part of Christianity at all, it is an abomination. So, how to deal, how to rationalize? You can't. I must give into their existence instead of attempt to dehumanize them and reduce them to functionary beings with no motherly or fatherly purpose. Milk drinkers are the ones not reproducing, not any other race of people, so the issue is imminent and needs fixing now before it is too late. I would like to be more assertive toward people I know concerning abortion and how against it I am, so that we could return to a child-friendly environment where kids played outside together, but a lot of the women around me are regressive atheist lesbian feminists and other degenerate lifestyles. As a Christian, I know that I must be in the world and not of the world, but why...? Why should I have to interact with prideful bitches and clueless men when I could be learning with a higher brand of people, open to radical ideas and to the implementations of a moderate form of 'necessary evils'.
Much of the NRx has these plans in mind, even if we do not write of them or share concerning them. But Eugenics, deportation, oppressive patriotism, social stigmatization and sheer dehumanization of certain individuals are all less-than-beautiful things that we consider important in order to maintain the structure of our society. We are huge in numbers, far far too many and it makes it impossible for people to live liberally, even if it might be ideal. We're also in a capitalist-consumerist society FULL of greedy people who abuse of their spending power and impoverish their wallets by purchasing high-calorie, low-nourishment fast food.
Is it wrong that I seek more peace, more love, more kindness and charity at the expense of the comfort of others? Why aren't people sacrificing their own comforts for the sake of greatness? In our time, it is useless to expect certain people to understand what we attempt to strive toward. No one is educated, no one cares about morality, except those who live in spirit. I do value life, but I also value Truth and it is only in a great environment, surrounded by great people that we will be able to achieve greatness. Are we building a tower of Babel? Is all of this too much?
Nationalism. It's my greatest burden. Personally, I hate Canada right now. It's great and it's peaceful but that just means president Trudeau can fuck the country in every single vulnerability and do it with a smile on his face. It's like a rapist shoving his cock in unsuspecting victims while waving at everyone and saying 'I got your back!' and winks at you candidly. Christianity is, whether you like it or not, intrinsically anarchist. Scientifically, Christianity gone unhindered would be a lot more intense a life to live, but it would be the epitome of freedom and pure and total justice.Secretly I want a patriarchal warrior culture. I want it with all my heart, but violence begets violence, and I refuse legislation and legality. Right now, we are all the victims of corrupt governments, rid of them. Pledging allegiance to a nation is not very Christian, Jesus tells us to see past the borders. I just... refuse to let Jesus's word be crushed by such a powerful evil like Islamic terrorism. Islam and Christianity can live side-by-side, but only if we can all agree on ONE moral code.
Keep your heart soft for the Lord, and I do, I weep in church, the the joy of my preacher, who is so very sweet and ultimately kind and generous. I weep for the millions of dead souls that never saw the light of day, for their ungrateful mothers, brainwashed by liberal propaganda, for the millions of men who die at work, who die by the hands of criminals who refuse to assimilate to a culture better than theirs. This is where my sadness reigns, but I cannot let myself be sad when I have work to do, but I can also not afford to live in constant contempt and anger.
So I live in paradox, much like any other normal human being. In the end, I will focus on my own, sacrifice myself to my family, sublimate my desires into spirit, and love with all my heart my kin and my legacy. Worry is only fearful paranoia.