Wednesday, 3 February 2016
Rape Statistics and Rape Culture
This is a very solid article that challenges the rape statistics in our culture.
I want to make things clear.
1. I do think that there are a lot of men who have dominance issues. I think those dominance issues are issues of pride and no necessarily an issue of 'masculinity'. Real masculinity should not include having to rape women to be a man. That's wrong. Dominance issues are about pride, identity issues, deranged behaviour, sociopathic behaviour or intense fanatism or guruship of a certain ideology. Rape is a horrible and terrible thing, and not just for women, but for men.
2. I feel like I have to make clear who can be raped and why it's important to take into consideration numerous cases. I feel like feminists only focus on adult man on teen and adult women rape. When I mention woman-on-woman or woman-on-girl rape (and in this I must include molestation), they turn their cheek and remain silent, because they know it crumbles their points on patriarchy and male-dominance.
A. Most commonly, there is man-on-woman rape. In this the woman might be single, in a couple, pregnant, a mother, a grandmother and all of these different situations cause different negative and terrible reactions toward them. I'm just putting it out there.
B. Second-most common, I believe, but stats are so awry, in man-on-girl rape. Sexually abused children have their lives ripped in a half and although they may heal, it is a tragic thing to have to deal with a sexually-challenged girl. The men who rape girls are sometimes strangers, but often their own close family members, uncles or grandfathers, and 'friends' of their parents. We get the impression that it is the worst kind of rape.
C. Man-on-boy rape is also prevalent and many cases have been found in monasteries, but also domestic cases as well. I worked in a summer camp where one of the monitors told me that she had been present when one of the boys in the camp told them that he was being raped by his father. It was a huge deal and in a small town. I am not saying that vaginal penetrative rape is any less bad as anal rape, but there is definitely something more messed up about having an orifice not made to be penetrated by anything be defiled. Anal rape makes the victim bleed profusely, and it often can cause dangerous blood infections like sepsis and can transmit AIDS.
D. Man-on-man rape is a horrifying experience for the victim, who feels emasculated, especially in our 'patriarchal' society. If men have ridiculously high expectations, when they fall apart they have nothing to turn to. We don't have as many social programs available for men who have been raped by other men. Also, prison rape is definitely something we should worry about. Not all men who are in prison are there for good reasons, and to shove in rapists along with fathers who dealt drugs or stole or avoided paying taxes doesn't make him available for anal rape target practice. Nonetheless, in the 100 000 raped male prison victims, many of those are raped repetitively, and this type of suffering is undermined by the more common man-on-woman sexual assault.
E. Woman-on-man is not as common for obvious reasons. We aren't strong enough to hold a man down, and we can't really force a man to have an erection. Still, woman-on-man attempts at rape are real, and completed raped even more. I've had a male friend tell me that he (and he laughed about it) had been dragged to a girl's place, and that after refusing to go with her a dozen times, he was forced to rip himself away and drunkenly make his way back home. That's not okay. Those women are crazy and they're not victims of patriarchy. What is interesting about this is that when they added to the definition of 'rape' 'being forced to penetrate' the number of sexual assault victims equalized. Clearly there are some sexually aggressive women out there and it's hurting men.
F. Woman-on-child is a strange, subterfuge way of getting away with fulfilling erotic desires onto an unsuspecting victim. Babysitters will often molest small children non-violently, and will tell them to keep it a secret from their parents. The child will not see the molestation as bad because it is not violent, but in reality, they are being sexually trained or educated at a young age. If you are a parent and your daughter starts masturbating as 4 or 5 years old or earlier, you might want to attempt to bait (nicely, please) out of her if she has been molested in her genital area. Female children will probably need some therapy, but may later on in life be doubtful about their sexuality because of the homosexual sexual act that trained them (this happens with heterosexual acts as well though where sexuality can be questioned) and may feel sexually unpowerful and sexually shameful. They might have body issues as well. Honestly, I cannot say much about woman-on-boy rape or molestation, because there isn't a lot said about it, but it is probably very traumatizing and will sexually educate him in a completely different way.
G. Woman-on-woman molestation or rape is not very common, but it exists and we cannot ignore it. A lot of women who are raped by men become feminists. They need to feel like the entire bad happening was not their fault, and they are right that they did not deserve to be raped for any reason, but often situations arise where a risk was taken (getting drunk somewhere, going into a stranger's car or home) which are things as I child I was told not to do. There are folk tales that were written hundreds of years ago that warn female children to think critically and not to fall for the charms of seductive men (Little Red Riding Hood, numerous versions of it, not the modern ones). But when a woman molests you, and forced her sexuality on you, dominates you violently, it changes your perspective. It makes you realize that, all right, it's not patriarchy, it's not just rape culture, and rape sensationalism. Rape is real, and everyone can and could rape.
Rape is a form of torture. It it when someone with an evil intention imposes his body upon the body of another in order to assert their spacial power and material superiority over that of others. Often people who rape are disturbed, having been raped or molested themselves as children, abused by violence, or taught by a religion or dogmatic guruship or ideologies that rape was something normal. These people will almost always exist. It is good to teach equality or equity in schools, to say to both men and women, that body respect is something important and topical and that rape is like killing someone: a vicious crime, a sin against your soul and the souls of those you love, and a force of massive destruction in the life of your victim.
In the Time article, there are some interesting and perhaps controversial facts concerning how statistics are tallied concerning rape. A lot of rape isn't included because it is not reported. Most children do not take part in surveys and most men will not admit to have been raped. Those who do admit it and who are growing in numbers, are women. 1 in 6 women will me molested and/or raped in America, probably Canada as well (maybe less? I hope... probably not... sigh...) and I agree with that. I do take issue with how many men have been molested by women. If you touch a guy's crotch over his pants, even if his reaction seems positive, he might not actually want you to touch him. I'm not saying about a guy you like and he likes you or something, you're flirting, but if you don't want him to touch your genitals, don't touch his.
I've heard a lot of stories about girls who like to tease men. Virgins who like to tease men. This is not smart. She wasn't even touched or rape, luckily! A lot of men would probably just want to, because they are being stimulated. And teasing isn't just wearing a skirt and cleavage, it isn't looking at them in a certain way, it is climbing on them, showing off, dancing in front of them sexily. Women claim to have the right to express their sexuality, but in reality, it is dangerous to flaunt yourself in front of a man who has notions of: this is going somewhere. we might have sex. He's probably hard the entire time and then when you claim you're not interested, he either might be mad and tell you to get out (which honestly if he does that nicely enough you shouldn't take it wrong--or think that next time it happens, he might actually get some. By the way, he's probably going to jack off to you that night.) But there is a minority of men, that you will tease and who will not accept that you don't actually want to fuck. He's going to make you feel bad for giving him an erection, he's going to force you accept that you actually desire him sexually and either you're going to have to give in because you feel petrified, either you're going to have to get the fuck out of there and rethink your actions, or he's going to rape you and you're going to have to deal with the consequences of having that done to you. The fact of the matter is that there are too many girls who don't understand that men are animals, that they as women are animals, and that they might not be conscious of what they are doing, especially when they are intoxicated. But still, you should control yourself. It is extremely possible to avoid dangerous situations where you could be raped.
It's not the victim's fault that they were raped because no one deserves to be raped. However, one must claim responsibility for their actions if the rape happened in a situation that could have called for rape. Tinder is a great place for rapists to pick up innocent girls who just want to have a bit of sympathy and make a friend. Be careful when you go out, make sure you have a loyal friend with you, and tell them in advance: tonight, if I'm very drunk, don't let me hook up with someone. Like that, your friend can check up on you. It's better if you don't drink profusely in a public place. Even an ass-grab might end up in a genital caress, and that's straight up molestation and you didn't see it coming because you can barely walk. Don't assume that strangers are nice. A lot of strangers are nice, but the chance of you falling on someone who went out that night in order to stick his dick in something is high. This is what 22 000 000 (22 million) looks like. That's about how many people there are out there who may rape you. Be careful! Be vigilant! It's not wrong to be careful. Maybe you shouldn't go to that party across the city. Maybe you shouldn't drink your drink that you left on the counter. Maybe you shouldn't go back home with your boyfriend's friend that you only know a little bit. Don't trust people. Honestly, never trust anyone was said by so many singers, and I believe them. Trust is strong. Trust is like I trust that gravity holds me down and I trust that mostly because I feel it 24/7. Trust isn't 'I want to trust' or 'I trust my Tinder date that I've never met'. That's faith. And faith in a person, not a loving God, will causes people to rape others.