Thursday, 17 March 2016

The "Friend-Zone" and the "Tease"

This is a very interesting issue, one that has gone numerous ways. I don't feel like I need to cite anything, but if you feel like I must, please comment that you want them and I will gladly get some articles for you. A lot of feminist recently are complaining about the men who have been friendzoned by them. I like scenarios, so I'll give/make a few:

SCENARIO #1: So, you're a single woman and you start hanging out with a male. You are not in a religious community, you're liberal and so is he. You don't tease him or flirt with him at all. He starts being covert about wanting you as more than a friend, and you start feeling like there is unwanted sexual tension. So, you make it clear that you do not want to be in a relationship that includes anything more than friendship. You have slotted him in the 'friend-zone', as they would say.

Conclusion from a liberal stand-point: She has rights. He should understand. If he is a real friend, he will continue to be friends. If he was the entire time just befriending her to get into her pants, that's not cool and he's sort of a douche.

Conclusion from a conservative stand-point: Why was she hanging out with a single male without telling him from the get-go that she is not interested in having a romantic relationship with him or at the moment. Why tease a man who is getting female attention (let's face it, it can be difficult in this world for a man to get a woman he finds really attractive) and then let him drop like stone without a chance?

Conclusion from a feminist stand-point: Basically the liberal stand-point, only he's really a horrible terrible human being if he isn't her friend anymore. 

SCENARIO #2: You're a single man and a single woman flirts with you incessantly, but when you come to make a romantic move, she refuses and tells you that you are nothing but friends.

Conclusion from a liberal standpoint: She is sexually confused and either you suck it up and continue being teased, or YOU have to tell her 'excuse me, but I want to either be romantic with you, or be your friend'. Respect yourself. Admit what you want, as a liberal, you want sex before marriage and that's fine.

Conclusion from a conservative stand-point: For some reason, this girl isn't being sexually safe and you might want to do the good thing and tell her personally, or maybe tell her parents (these girls are often young, 18-25) that she has these kinds of attitudes. You can't tease men sexually like that, it's morally wrong. However, forgive her, for she is immature and does not understand the consequences of her actions.

Conclusion from a feminist stand-point: She is allowed to be sexy, and 'teasing' is not a word that should be used to describe her behaviour. She wants to be an alluring person, but still has rights and a relationship can work based on the man being used as a sex puppet while she exercises strength in being a sexual individual and a woman who pulses sexual energy.

In the last case: if he leaves, he was not a real friend and if he stays, he is being restricted because he is not allowed to share in the intense sexual energy that she emanates. Let's face it, sexual tensions can happen almost anywhere in our society. 'Teasing' is real and let me tell you that men don't like it when women flirt with them aggressively, and overtly, but then refuse to let them join. If this woman is single and you are single, it's better that as soon as you are in a relationship like that that you make yourself clear in your intentions, or/and you leave the relationship. If you don't leave, you're letting this woman use you for her own sexual fetish. 'Teasing' is what it's called from the male's perspective. From the female's perspective, it's lust that's driven by the excitement that she is allowed to objectify you and use you for her sexual excitement.

Let me add that this kind of relationship can work! You can have an extensively 'teasy' relationship as long as you both know that you will remain friends. This has to be clear, very clear. But I can guarantee that a single man who wants a romantic relationship, even maybe a wife and a family, will not appreciate that his time be wasted in the friend-zone.

Let's be clear in our intentions. Let's make a little dialogue of clarity.

A male and a female are friends, get to know each other and he goes over to her place. They're having coffee and discussing a friendly topic.

Male: So, we've been seeing each other a bit now, as friends. I would like to get to know you more. I'm attracted to you. Do you like me in the same way?

There are numerous relationships of course, including the:
Female: Yes, I like you in this way, but I'm a bit unsure. I've had some bad relationships and I need some time. I don't want to rush into things. Is that all right with you?
Male: I'm glad you like me. I respect your need for time, I didn't want to rush into things either. (Yay!)
or the
Male: I wanted to have a sexual relationship with someone and it doesn't matter to me that I don't know you intimately.
Female: Well, I'm not interested in this kind of relationship. I don't think we'll be able to see each other in that way.
(The male should then probably leave her domain.)

or if the woman refuses a romantic relationship at all

Female: No, I'm not interested in a relationship with you in that way. I want us to be friends.
Male: I understand. (It should be all right for you to not speak to this person after this encounter because you've been hurt to a certain extent. You like this person romantically and it's better for you to keep your distance not to be distracted.)

and then there is this strange response:

Female: Well, I do like you a bit intimately, but I'd rather tease you and flirt with you, but you're not allowed to show interest or touch me in any way because then it would ruin my fetish. I really just want to use you sexually.
Male: O_O (Yeah right? Imagine if a man told that to a woman. I want to write it just for the hell of it. Let's say this woman is a feminist too.)

for the jokes

Male: I want to touch myself to you while you watch me because I think you're attractive, but for real, I'm more enamored with myself and my own self-sexuality to actually care about you apart from wanting your presence. Is it all right that we do this? Like I'll basically grind you when you cook meals and kiss your cheek when I feel like it.
Female: What the hell is your problem? You're so willing to use me like an object?! That's disgusting! I'm going to call the police on you and get you fired. I can't believe this! Get out!

Seriously! You can't 'tease' and then expect it to be normal. This should actually be an MRA issue but feminist claim that 'teasing' is mean and patriarchal to say. Well, sorry that men have sexual feelings too, eh?


  1. It isn't always the case (In, for example Scenario #1) that the guy feels he is wasting his time if there is no chance of a romantic relationship. Nor, of course is it necessarily a fuck me or fuck off situation. It can also be the case where the guy likes the girl so much, and feels such a connection, that it would be too unbearable to keep those feelings locked away forever; constantly reminded every time he speaks with her or hangs out with her of the connection he feels. Then he would be so distracted by the what-if scenario his brain so kindly manifests for him that it would slowly ruin the platonic relationship he would try to build/maintain with her. From the girl's point of view, this is easy. She doesn't like him that way and probably never will, so it may be difficult for her to experience it from the male's point of view. So he chooses, with great difficulty to forego the friendship fearing that his feelings would get in the way of friendship. Not because he felt he would be wasting his time. Of course not, this girl, her thoughts, opinions, and all that goes with it fascinates him to the point of infatuation. His mind takes that, amplifies it and creates a false reality that he muses in. Love is like a drug, it can be a mental disease just as easily as it can be a mental stimulus. Of course looks play a big role, but sexuality is only one component of a romantic relationship. It's only one pillar and if he wanted to be with the girl strictly for her body, their relationship wouldn't have lasted that long anyways. Now, please note that while I have used male => female, the genders can certainly be reversed. I think the whole friendzone thing is male => female because as you said, it's harder for males to find a girlfriend than the inverse. But I'm sure it happens the other way around too as I have described.

  2. That's some pretty awesome insight that I could never have thought of! Thanks for adding that in. I do have a clearly feminized bias toward my posts, I mean... I am a woman.